I hope mine doesn't look like that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
