two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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