the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
