Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
