How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
