Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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