I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
