no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
