he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
