She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
