Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
