So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
