Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
