I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
