why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
