I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
