he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
