You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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