If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize