I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
