Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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