i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize