You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
