Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize