I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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