Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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