Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
