i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
