my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
