i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
