If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
