I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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