I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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