R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize