Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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