Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
