I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
