Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
