He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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