Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
