come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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