and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The air taste purple.
Randomize
