I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
