apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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