you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize