Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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