I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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