He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
