I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
