Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
