coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
time to smoke my breakfast
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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