i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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