I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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