Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
