I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
