CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
