I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
