Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
