...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize