K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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