There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
