I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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