I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
