The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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