Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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