last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize