That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
