he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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