I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
