I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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