her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
