The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
