Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
