pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
