I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm like, not good at living.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
