I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
