I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
