Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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