sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I want her autograph on my taint
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
