Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
