she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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