My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
