Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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