just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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