dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
