I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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