I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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