Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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