he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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