apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
where are my eyebrows?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
