I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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