I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize