I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
