"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize