I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
