I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
