no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
farters have to be the big spoon...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
