im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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