I could make wine with my vomit
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
