yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
