gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
