I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Let's paint friendship bongs
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
